Charge...

So I've gone deep cover for the last two weeks before my exam. Decided to come out for a little air. I find myself fairly calm. No particular reason why. Could be the extra prayers, could be the fact that I walked the path already and know what to expect. That doesn't give me a reason not to continue to prepare as if it was the first time. It's kind of funny how some of my U-T law buddies are calling asking for tidbits of advice as if I am like the God-Father of the BAR or something. I mean dude, I only took it once, (and don't plan on taking it again.)

When others found out I missed passing the exam by an essay, most of the attorneys were quick to admit that they too had to take it two, three, and in once person's case six times. In fact, one of my judges was like, Spike, no need to stress, I took the darn thing twice too, so don't feel bad. Yea...ok...

You know, it wasn't even a matter of feeling bad, well actually, I am not quite sure what the exact emotional feeling is. One could take it as a failure, as disappointment, as embarrassment or an array of other not so feel good emotions. I will admit it was tough going home and looking the fam in the eye in discussing the exam or when close friends inquired about the BAR, having to acknowledge aloud not passing my first time. They were like you dumb azz....syke...(my friends may be cruel, but not that cruel.) You know I was suprised to receive a warm e-mail from a friend I had a falling out with who sent kind words of encouragement when they found out.....thanks if I did not say so back then.

Some could get all spiritual about it and be like it was not in the lord's plan at that time.

Some could get all militant and be like that damn exam be discriminating against minorities. They (whoever that may be?), know who they want to pass. Yea someone actually said that ish. I may be militant at times, but I aint that stupid. There are too many colored attorneys in this city to even try and advance that argument.

Some could be just like funk it, it wasn't meant to be, and move on with life, never looking at another exam.

But some could, still be feeling that fire burning deep in their soul, to make a difference. Sometimes that alone, is motivation enough for one to lift their head up and move on, forgetting past failures. It's not easy isolating oneself from the day to day grind, to sit in a room wit nothing but books and a pack of skittles and Full Throttle for days on end. But you gotta do what you gotta do. I no doubt am prayerful that I benefit from this preparation. What, this too shall pass right? Well I pray that in passing, I pass.

Don't plan on blogging for a minute after this. So, if you are sitting for the BAR, much love to ya, you know how to get at me. If you aint, and u gotta a prayer for me and the crew, you know where and how to send it, if you got some skittles or a Full Throttle, and wanna donate to the cause, yea get at me! Till then Peace!